WHAT IS SOCIALISM By Leszek Kolakowski We will tell you what socialism is. But first we must tell you what socialism is not. It is a matter about which we once had a quite different opinion than we have today.
Well, then, socialism is not: A society in which a person who has committed no crime sits at home waiting for the police.
A society in which it is a crime to be the brother, sister, son or wife of a criminal.
A society in which one person is unhappy because he says what he thinks, and another happy because he does not say what is in his mind.
A society in which a person lives better because he does not think at all.
A society in which a person is unhappy because he is a Jew and another feels better for not being a Jew.
A state whose soldiers move into the territory of another country first.
A state where anyone who praises the national leaders is better off.
A state in which one can be condemned without trial.
A society whose leaders appoint themselves to their posts.
A society in which ten people live in one room.
A society which has illiterates and smallpox epidemics.
A state which does not permit travel abroad.
A state which has more spies than nurses and more people in prison than in hospitals.
A state in which the number of officials increases faster than that of workers.
A state in which one is forced to resort to lies.
A state in which one is compelled to be a thief.
A state in which one is forced to resort to crime.
A state which possesses colonies.
A state whose neighbors curse geography.
A state which produces excellent jet planes and bad shoes.
A state in which cowards live better than the valiant.
A state in which the lawyers in most cases agree with the state prosecutor.
Empire, tyranny, oligarchy, bureaucracy.
A state in which the majority of people seek God in order to find solace in their misery.
A state which awards prizes to pseudo-authors and knows more about painting than the painters.
A nation which oppresses other nations.
A nation which is oppressed by another nation.
A state which wants all its citizens to have the same opinions in philosophy, foreign policy, economics, literature and ethics.
A state whose government defines its citizens' rights, but whose citizens do not define the government's rights.
A state in which one is responsible for one's ancestors.
A state in which one part of the population receives salaries 40 times higher than those of the remainder.
Any system of government toward which most of the governed are hostile.
A single, isolated state.
A group of backward countries.
A state which utilizes nationalistic slogans.
A state whose governments believe that nothing is more important than their power.
A state which makes a pact with crime and then adapts its ideology to this pact.
A state which would like to see its Foreign Ministry determine the political opinion of all mankind.
A state which finds it difficult to distinguish between enslavement and liberation.
A state in which racist agitators enjoy full freedom.
A state in which there is private ownership of the means of production.
A state which considers itself solidly socialist because it has liquidated private ownership of the means of production.
A state which has difficulty differentiating between social revolution and armed assault.
A state which does not believe that people must be happier under socialism than elsewhere.
A society which is very melancholy.
A caste system.
A state which always knows the will of the people before it asks them.
A state which can mistreat the people with impunity.
A state in which a view of history is important.
A state in which the philosophers and writers always say the same as the generals and ministers, but always after them.
A state in which street maps of cities are state secrets.
A state in which the returns of parliamentary elections are always predictable.
A state in which there is slave labor.
A state in which feudal fetters exist.
A state which has a world monopoly on scientific progress.
A state in which an entire people, through no desire of its own, is moved to a new location.
A state in which the workers have no influence on the government.
A state which believes that it alone can redeem humanity.
A state which considers itself to be always in the right.
A state in which history is a servant of policy.
A state whose citizens may not read the greatest works of contemporary literature, not see the greatest works of contemporary painting and not hear the greatest works of modern music.
A state which is always well pleased with itself.
A state which asserts that the world is very complicated but actually believes it to be extremely simple.
A state in which one must suffer long before one can get a doctor.
A society that has beggars.
A state which believes everyone to be enamored of it, whereas in truth it is the opposite.
A state which is convinced that nobody in the world can conceive anything better.
A state which does not mind being hated as long as it is feared.
A state which determines who may criticize it and how.
A state in which one must each day refute what one affirmed the day before and always believe it to be the same.
A state which does not like to see its citizens read back numbers of newspapers.
A state in which many ignoramuses rank as scholars.
That was the first part. But now, listen attentively, we will tell you what socialism is: Well, then, socialism is a good thing.