The writer's failure to discern properly what is the "you" attitude often explains why his letters do not produce the desired results. But what has been said must not be taken to mean that it is not advisable to make frequent use of this valuable word. It simply means that the "you" attitude involves much more than merely the use of that pronoun.
14. Letters that lack looking thru our files we find your name among those who . . ." Such a beginning manifestly does not tell the truth; or at least it does not seem to do so, espe cially to readers who are at all sophisticated. An other example of a poor introduction is that of the collection letter which begins, "In running thru our accounts today we find that you have overlooked our statement of August first." This, from the reader's point of view, is amusing. The use of the expression, "In running thru our accounts," is a weak attempt to appear to be unconcerned about a matter which it would be natural for any good business man to be concerned about.
Is the letter credible?' That question ought to be kept constantly in mind. When a correspondent really watches for statements that are not entirely true, he is generally surprised to find how many there are. Very Often they are of the general kind. Some one has well said : "All general statements are true only in part—including this one." The presence of general statements is very often the cause—altho the writer does not always realize it—of the lack of cred ibility in a letter.
15. A glaring example.—Few cases of the lack of credibility are as easily apparent as in letters like that which is given below. This letter was sent in response to a letter of inquiry that was businesslike neither in appearance nor in composition: Dear Sir: By the clear-cut and businesslike character of your letter of inquiry we feel certain that you would be most successful in the sale of our patented, etc. . . .
There may be people who might feel flattered upon reading a letter like this. But would they be the kind of people that could sell even something of proved merit? Whatever the article was, it could not have been attractive to successful agents if a form letter of this type were necessary to get results. It is a strange truth, however, that the poorest salesmen try to sell the things that are hardest to sell; and often it is the poorest writers who attempt to make their letters perform miracles.
The recent tendency toward greater accuracy in letter-writing is perhaps part of the general move ment toward stricter veracity in advertising, for ad vertising copy and letters are parts of the same field —written salesmanship. There is, in fact, little dif ference between the fundamental characteristics of advertising copy and those of sales letters.
16. Lack of credibility an easy mistake to make.— Lack of veracity or of sincerity in a letter is clearly evident to readers; usually this lack is more quickly discerned by the reader than by the writer. The fol lowing letter is an example: Dear Sir: Donating the low-priced watch business to outsiders—are Boonville merchants doing this Outsiders want this business. What does it amount to? This: Two years ago Mr. R. H. Jackson, of Belleville in your state, put a display card of watches in his window. People were quick to notice it. The inclosed letter from Mr. Jackson gives the record of his sales and profits for the two years.
An exceptional case? No. Our records show hundreds of cases as good or better. And the surprising part of the experience is that sales of higher priced watches increase at the same time. These higher priced watches are often sold to purchasers of our watches. The quality of our watch gains the buyer's confidence.
Like buyers of automobiles, the young men who start out with low-priced watches soon come to desire a better watch. If the low-priced watch he bought was satisfactory, he has a good opinion of the jeweler who sold it to him.
We guarantee the quality. Volume of business accounts for the prices quoted in the catalog inclosed.
The $12.50 assortment is your opportunity to quit donat ing the low-priced watch business to mail-order houses and department stores.
Yours very truly, When the second paragraph of this letter states that the mere displaying of the watches on a card in the window developed a good business, it makes an unreasonable assertion. Jewelers know from experi ence that it takes more than mere display of an ad vertising card to do this. The next paragraph tends to make the reader think that Mr. Jackson's case was exceptional, despite the denial, for no definite proof is offered that it is not. Other parts of this letter lack credibility to the reader. It is an easy mistake to make.