In this important matter it is also wrong to allow the child to feel that he and we should take turns in obeying each other. Ruth's mother noticed that the number of things that had to be done for daughter before she would drop off to sleep were on the increase.
On the night that she told Ruth there must be fewer of them, this little girl threw off the sheet, then called her mother to come to replace it. After an hour of tears and struggling, Ruth pulled up the sheet. She asked her mother to come for the good night kiss ; as she gave it she said, " Mother, why didn't you let me have my own way? It's so much nicer when you do." The next morning she added, " Mother, last night was your night, but remember tonight will be my night." Government in the home or anywhere else is on the wrong foundation so long as it rests on the feeling and idea that it is merely a matter of taking turns in having one's own way.
Either it was right for Ellen, who was less than five years old, to go to bed at a certain hour and to expect to fall asleep at that time, or it was wrong of her mother to put her there. To safeguard one's health, one's nervous system, and one's disposition, one must have sufficient sleep. Out of that fact comes the rule which Ellen needed to learn to obey; which it is hoped her mother and all the rest of the family were obeying—in accordance with their ages and the amount of work and play they each did.
Because life is largely made up of situations in which there are laws of health and right conduct to be obeyed, it is almost never necessary to make our children obey just because we are physically bigger.
Notice How This Mother Did It This is what a certain young mother evidently knew. She was on a street car one day. Her little daughter of three asked for the toy which had just been bought. The mother said, "No, dear; the toy would make too big a noise in the car and annoy the people. You may play with it when you get to Aunt Kate's. Her yard is large enough for all the noise you can make with it." This mother did not speak in words of personal authority. Had she done so, the passengers would probably have been annoyed by the usual quarrel which begins with the parent's "No, I don't want you to"; to which the child must answer in similar words and spirit, "But I want to." Instead, this
mother spoke of the rights of the passengers to a fairly quiet ride. At the same time she told the child of her right to noisemaking in a big yard. It was easy to guess that this child was accustomed to reasonableness from her mother. She accepted the refusal without any teasing or pouting. She doubt less had some idea, too, that her mother was obeying the same law. Once children begin to feel that it is law that little folks and big must obey, half the trouble in training them to obedience disappears.
But not all the feelings that a child can have lead to desirable acts and ideas. There are some that the child must learn to control; some indeed that must be weakened to the point of disappearance. Anger, which usually leads to fighting with fists or words, should be controlled. Envy and malice should be starved out. Vanity may be redirected to the admiration of goodness and beauty wherever found.
Think of Your Own Childhood! We can find out what feelings children have by watching ourselves and by recalling how we felt when we were young. We should also find out what the prevailing feelings of each of our children are. Then with patience and wisdom we must plan how the bad feelings can be weakened through having no chance to be aroused, or if aroused, how they can be con trolled or re-directed. And with just as much planning we must see that the good feelings are strengthened through much exercise. The specialists in nervous diseases say that the emotions are nine tenths of everyone's life. They say also that many of the mental disorders bordering on insanity are due to early and wrong checking or use of the feelings and the instincts with which they go. From the first, then, parents should see that these qualities are cultivated: cheerfulness, though one is disappointed; bravery, though one is justice, though one has been treated unfairly. There should be fostered admirations instead of jealousies; kindnesses instead of discourtesies; loves instead of hatreds. It is through the development of the better and the best emotions that a sane and well-balanced disposition can be grown.